Huckabee emerges when faith and fear converge

The emergence of former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee as a viable standard-bearer for the Republicans (placing a respectable third in New Hampshire after winning the Iowa caucuses) has left conservative commentators almost apoplectic.

But some of those people howling the loudest are the very same people who made Huckabee’s candidacy not only likely, but also inevitable.

The road to Huckabee’s candidacy can be traced at least as far back as 1968, when former Vice President Richard M. Nixon deployed the so-called “Southern strategy” in his second bid for the White House. Nixon strategist Kevin Phillips, who popularized the term, explained how the GOP worked to separate voters angered by the civil-rights movement from the Democratic Party, usually in the guise of “states’ rights”:

“From now on, the Republicans are never going to get more than 10 to 20 percent of the Negro vote and they don’t need any more than that… but Republicans would be shortsighted if they weakened enforcement of the Voting Rights Act. The more Negroes who register as Democrats in the South, the sooner the Negrophobe whites will quit the Democrats and become Republicans. That’s where the votes are. Without that prodding from the blacks, the whites will backslide into their old comfortable arrangement with the local Democrats.”

The demonizing of African-Americans also could be seen during the 1980s, when Ronald Reagan raised the specter of the anecdotal Cadillac-driving “welfare queen.” Suddenly, African-Americans who had endured centuries of involuntary servitude and abuse were not victims – they were layabouts who were gaming the system. Americans who had been told for decades that the American Dream was big enough for all abruptly learned that there wasn’t enough to go around. And if middle-class white voters weren’t getting their slice of the pie, it was all the fault of minorities.

This viewpoint, given voice by the so-called country club Republicans, was a tremendous help in distracting voters from the reality of the nation’s wealthiest citizens increasing their fortunes at the expense of those less fortunate. In short, it turned economic injustice into a race issue, not a class issue.

Slowly, the argument changed yet again. It turned out that African Americans were victims after all, thrust into that position by pandering politicians and an unrestrained judiciary. How dare progressives argue that African-American students couldn’t learn except in the company of white students, neatly skirting the fact that school funding is a cornerstone of educational equality.

Now there was an entire cohort of villains who needed to shoulder their share of the blame for all the country’s ills: a hedonistic culture, a liberal media elite, ivory tower academics, feminists, you name it. In response, the twin themes of personal responsibility and bringing the nation back to God are trumpeted.

Many Christian conservatives heed the call. In acts of true patriotism, they vote against their economic self-interest to vote for candidates who professed to share their beliefs concerning the right to life and the importance of faith in the public square. (Conversely, the Log Cabin Republicans represent a group that votes for their economic interests to the detriment of their position on societal and cultural issues.)

And then came 9/11, the day that hawks tell us changed everything. America had an implacable enemy whose religious practices were foreign to most residents. The politics of faith and fear had converged.

Enter Mike Huckabee, a former staffer for televangelist James Robison who pastored several Southern Baptist churches in Arkansas before entering politics.

A few words about the Southern Baptist denomination: It is a denomination striking for its insularity and lack of inclusiveness. Women are generally excluded from the pulpit, gays aren’t welcome and many congregations are segregated by race. To his credit, Huckabee successfully encouraged the all-white Immanuel Baptist Church to accept black members.

Still, Hukabee has not missed an opportunity to exploit the fears that permeate his denomination. One reason establishment candidate Mitt Romney failed in Iowa might have something to do with Huckabee’s pointing out that elements of the Mormon and Southern Baptist faith are at odds.

But for all that, Huckabee remains an appealing candidate whose lack of slavish devotion to conservative orthodoxy causes Republicans to grind their teeth. The current occupant of the White House already has proved that being hazy on current events is no impediment to a successful race. To demonstrate his populist streak, he has admitted enjoying squirrel cooked in a popcorn popper.

People invited to a state dinner during the Huckabee administration may want to consider brown bagging it.

The ultimate flaw in a Huckabee campaign is that conservatism, by its very nature, is about the status quo. The former governor may be the Republicans’ own man from Hope, but the candidates with hope are on the Democratic side of the ledger.

At least, with his pastoral background, Huckabee won’t have any trouble understanding what a sacrificial lamb is when the Election Day results come in.

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2007: It was a very silly year

Only a few minutes remain in 2007, so it’s high time to take a look back and give some well-earned recognition to those people without whose foibles the past year would not have been possible.

The It Takes A Village Award to Lynne Spears, who apparently needs an entire village to keep track of the doings of her daughters. Britney and Jamie Lynn have devolved from celebrities into the sort of individuals who make The Jerry Springer show what it is.

Sen. Larry Craig is the deserving recipient of the Born to Hand Jive Award for his antics within the confines of a men’s room stall at the airport in Minneapolis. The gap between the Idaho Republican’s account of what transpired and the truth appears to be every bit as wide as his celebrated stance.

The GOP’s long-established antipathy toward those whose sexual preferences do not conform to their norms also found voice in 1950s crooner Pat Boone. Boone warned Bluegrass State voters that Democratic gubernatorial candidate Steve Beshear aimed to transform Kentucky into another San Francisco. So, Mr. Boone, you think Democrats have the power to make the state a center of culture, commerce and education, where the differences among people are tolerated, and even celebrated? Your award shares its title with the Fats Domino song you rendered grammatically correct: Isn’t That A Shame.

The Invertebrate Award to Democrats in the House and Senate who failed to draw a line in the sand when it came to the war in Iraq. Maybe 2008 will bring rapid growth in this area. Kinda like a Chia Pet.

On the other side of the aisle, Republicans are more that deserving of The Lenscrafters Award, which allows recipients to trade in those rose-tinted glasses for new spectacles that will allow them to view this ill-considered, elective military action in the proper perspective.

The Fiction Is Just As Strange As Truth Award goes to the people behind the new movie The Golden Compass. The most vile and loathsome woman in all the world is a blonde woman with the surname Coulter. Progressives always suspected as much.

Comedian Rush Limbaugh merits The Unintentional Irony Award for some of his on-air spots. Exhibit A: Limbaugh’s effortless segues between talking up the war in Iraq and shilling for some of General Motors’ thirstiest vehicles – some of the same vehicles that make said war necessary. Exhibit B: Limbaugh’s spots for OTC pharmaceuticals, in which he proudly proclaims that these drugs have a place in his own medicine cabinet. Try not to consider the possibility that El Rushbo’s medicine chest might have enough square footage to house a family of four.

The Don’t Know Much About History Award to Dana Perino, who famously confessed to ignorance about the Cuban Missile crisis. Here’s a tip, Ms. Perino. Study up on Watergate. You’ll soon have to explain much worse.

Vice President Dick Cheney deserves The Judicial Activism Award for advancing the novel claim that his office constitutes a fourth branch of the federal government. That whirring sound comes from the document’s original signers spinning in their graves.

The Is It Live Or Is It Memorex Award to the Central Intelligence Agency for its erasure of torture videotapes in contravention of judicial orders.

Lastly, The Reason For The Season Award to all those individuals I’ve come to know through blogging who were kind enough to remember me this holiday season. Such an outpouring leaves me both humble and grateful.

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Rittenberg rewrites history

Ah, Christmastime. A season that holds enough innate magic to redeem fictional baddies such as Ebenezer Scrooge or the Grinch. It’s the time of year when even the most secular of secular humanists is supposed to be overcome by the sentiment of “peace on earth and goodwill toward men.”

Unless, of course, you happen to be one of the ink-stained wretches who practice their craft within the pages of The American Thinker, a publication that has precious little to do with either being an American or actual thought. Last week, contributor Stephen Rittenberg, MD attempts to construct a case that finds common ground among the forces of jihadism, perversion and – wait for it – liberalism.

Rittenberg opens his case by alleging that “Only Islamic clerics sanction the murder of women who have been raped. Only Islamic clerics issue murderous fatwas, celebrate murder of artists, and mobilize sword-wielding men to demand death for a female teacher who allowed children to name a teddy bear ‘Mohammad’. Only Islam proudly exhibits videos of throat-cutters torturing helpless victims.”

Clearly Rittenberg has overlooked the shameful treatment of women in other societies. In Jesus’ day, it was not unknown for women caught in the act of adultery to be stoned to death, their partners in sexual congress conspicuous by their absence. In certain portions of India, widows were burned alive along with their husband’s remains. The sole offense in these cases was longevity.

In some Latin American countries, so-called “honor killings,” the means by which a male member of a family could kill a female relative who had allegedly sullied the family name were a permissible defense for murder up until the early 1980s.

Let us not forget the dark days of the Salem, Mass., witch trials during our country’s colonial era. Students of history know that most of those accused in that theocratic kangaroo court were women. Among the tests for determining if an individual’s guilt was dunking. If an accused witch failed to get immersed in nearby water, well, that was proof that the purity of the water was rejecting their Satanic presence. If, on the other hand, the accused drowned, that was proof that they were innocent.

Oopsie. Death by pre-Revolutionary extreme waterboarding, anyone?

It’s true that we haven’t taken to spilling the blood of artists or intellectuals yet. We seem to prefer attempting to destroy their livelihoods instead. And that’s how “Dixie Chick” became more than a proper noun.

Rittenberg cites the work of the late French psychoanalyst Janine Chasseguet-Smirgel, who argued that perversions are not just behavior but modes of thinking. He argues that the fear of that the fear of such differences is the root of Wahabi abuse of women.

The good doctor would have us believe that liberalism is nothing less that a concentrated effort to eliminate the difference between the sexes. This deviant goal has drawn society inexorably to a place where it remains in “denial of the difference between truth and falsehood, good and evil, superior and inferior cultures.”

In reality, the opposite is true: It is in those cultures where the worth of individuals has transcended their biological roles that violence against women has waned. This would make conservatism the deviant ideology.

Civilization, Rittenberg says, has been built painstakingly on difference: male and female, yes and no right and wrong truth and falsehood. There are rules, laws, customs, hard-won scientific knowledge. Civilization is a fragile guardian of reality, which must be defended from the onslaught of barbarians wishing to abolish rules and differences, he says.

So let’s see: if an ideology results in flouting the rule of law by ignoring three judicial orders not to destroy waterboarding videotapes, it would be perverse? And if that same ideology led to adherents not understanding the difference between right and wrong on the issue of torture, if it ignored customs through presidential signing statements and reality itself on issues like weapons of mass destruction it would be perverse? And an ideology led followers to ignore scientific data about evolution, about stem-cell research and global warming, it would be perverse?

Psychoanalyst, heal thy own party.

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Survey says: Kentucky Baptists questioning doctrine

Baptist doctrine may not be what it used to be.

A survey conducted by the Southern Baptist LifeWay Research organization for the Kentucky Baptist Convention shows that many state Baptist hold beliefs that are contrary to long-cherished denominational doctrines. Doctrines that are challenged by state Baptists include the idea that people can go to heaven from non-Christian religions or that Christians can loose their salvation if they don’t work at it.

A survey of 223 Kentucky adults who identify themselves as Southern Baptists found support for the importance of serving God but only sporadic scripture reading, volunteering in church and sharing their faith with others.

Steve Rice, Director of Discipleship and Assimilation (Resistance is futile. We are the Baptist.) for the Kentucky Baptist Convention attributed the results to the fact that less than half of those surveyed read the Bible a few times a week or more.

“These are Kentucky Southern Baptists – that’s why it really stands out to me,” Rice said. “We have work to do among those sitting in our pews.”

So basically, church leaders are saying that Baptists will accept church doctrine more readily if they just read their Bible more. It’s like this in every denomination: Doctrine that seems wacky would make perfect sense if you just pray for enough faith to accept it. But instead of pursuing that avenue of attack Baptist leaders might do better reexamining the tenets of their faith.

What if, instead of proclaiming that “once saved, always saved”, Baptist leaders took a hint from the Epistle to the Philippians, wherein the author advises believers to “work out your salvation”? (Philippians 2:12) What if, instead of preaching that salvation is a goal Baptist preached that salvation was part of a life long process? What if Baptist sermons did not focus on a God who apparently is ready to smite his beloved children at the drop of a hat?

Coincidently, on the same day that the Courier Journal reported on the Baptist survey, the newspaper ran an obituary Wayne Dehoney, a two-term president of the Southern Baptist Convention before the denomination got hijacked by conservatives.

Dehoney was also the pastor of Louisville’s oldest Baptist church. During his time in the pulpit, the church grew to 6,300 members. And those members weren’t all Caucasian, as is the practice in so many SBC churches. Dehoney’s church had white members and black members sitting side by side. Low-income church members mingled freely with the wealthy.

How did Dehoney pull off this miracle? Did he get his congregation to focus on the issue of abortion? Did he play to his flock’s worst fears about marauding gangs of gays and lesbians who might move in next door?

No. Dehoney’s ministry was defined by a simple motto: “Find a need and fill it. Find a hurt and heal it.”

If only all Southern Baptists could live that creed.

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Capt's back – ready to cap someone

Captain America is coming back. And this time he’s packing heat.

The star-spangled hero returns to action in January. The former Captain America, Steve Rogers, was killed off in March after leading a protest against a law in the Marvel universe that required all those with superhuman abilities to register with the government. He was being led to the court house when he died in a hail of bullets.

It remains unclear just who will be adopting Captain America’s colors in January. It’s possible that the book’s writer, Ed Brubaker, may figure out a way to resurrect Steve Rogers. It’s also possible that someone else might be wearing a revamped Captain America costume.

But more disturbing than Capt’s new identity or new clothing is the fact that he is shown brandishing a pistol. Brubaker points out that Captain America frequently used a gun in the 1940′s, while combating an assortment of threats posed by the axis powers.

As a matter of fact, the gun used was fairly prevalent during the formative years of many superheros we now consider classic. Over at DC Comics, the Batman was shown using a pistol in some of his early adventures. The Batman’s later aversion to firearms was traced to the trauma experienced by the youthful Bruce Wayne after watching the brutal murder of his parents. Even the older, jaded Batman of Frank Miller’s “The Dark Knight Returns” declined to use weapons that fired lethal ammunition.

Not that there is any shortage of comic characters willing and able to kill an opponent. Marvel’s Punisher carries an assortment of weaponry in his one-man war on crime. Wolverine of the X-Men has repeatedly demonstrated no misgivings about the need to kill.

Such behavior is still a relative anomaly in today’s comic books. DC’s otherworldly hero The Spectre has used his almost infinite power to dispatch law breakers in a variety of ways. The original Human Torch (actually an android having no relationship to the current Fantastic Four member) occasionally burned his victims alive. And as far as Prince Namor of Atlantis was concerned, particularly in the early days of his strip, human beings made better shark bait than companions.

So in this environment it was no surprise that Captain America might occasionally take a weapon off a fallen foe and use that weapon against other opponents. Heck, his young sidekick Bucky, has been shown using a flamethrower during the same period. Talk about youth being engaged in dangerous occupations!

Brubaker is absolutely correct when he points out that Steve Rogers was a soldier when he wasn’t being Captain America. But the Captain America who used weapons like that was a Captain America who battled Japanese foes who were depicted as having fangs and eyeglasses way too thick to have come from the bottom of a Coke bottle. The artist who drew Capt’s adventures in those early days tended to give the shield-slinging crusader German foes who were walking advertisements for the missing link.

Meanwhile, Bucky sometimes served as a member of a group of stereotyped individuals called the Young Allies. By today’s standards, the most offensive member of the Young Allies was a slow-talking zoot suit-wearing African American. So let us not romanticize those early chapters in Capt’s career too much.

Since those early days Capt has changed somewhat. For the past four decades he has been the embodiment of the American values of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The fact that he refused to use a conventional gun when so many people would be shooting at him was the perfect metaphor for everything America’s foreign policy and military responses should always be: You may attack us in force using every dirty trick in the book but we will respond by fighting honorably and beating you at your own game.

Sadly, the use of a sidearm by the new Captain America signals the character’s willingness to buy into the entire mindset of the Bush administration and its War on Terror. Where once Captain America modeled the best of America, the new Captain is a product of its fears. The new Captain is an exemplar of the situational ethics used by this administration to defend itself from openness and accountability.

It is a mindset that lends itself to abuses at facilities like Abu Ghraib and Gitmo. It is a mindset that permits secret trials, extraordinary rendition and the suspension of Habeas Corpus. It is a mindset that allows conservatives to believe that torture is an effective means of interrogation.

In short, Captain America with a gun is Jack Bower in a funny suit.

And we, as a nation are poorer for it.

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When GOP attacks liberals they accuse themselves

After listening to Rush Limbaugh’s non-apology to US soldiers who don’t support the War on Terror, and after listening to Ann Coulter’s non-defense of a type of antisemitism that hasn’t been part of mainstream thought since about 1590 or so, I have come to the following conclusion: Everything the right says to tear down the left actually more closely reflects the conservative mindset.

For my first exhibit, I respectfully submit the entire Petraeus/betray us debate. Despite Rush Limbaugh’s protestations to the contrary, it is apparent to anyone who had heard Rush’s version of the excerpt that the word soldiers was clearly pluralized, meaning he could not be simply talking about one particular “phony soldier” as he claimed.

Apart from that, the “betray us” phrase was introduced to the public airwaves by a loyal Limbaugh listener who wanted to place that tag on a Republican lawmaker who had expressed opposition to the war in Iraq.

Now Limbaugh will be the first to tell anyone that Republicans value the free expression of ideas and that liberals want to impose thought crimes. But if that is the case, then Limbaugh ought to have corrected his listener when the listener called the Republican lawmaker a traitor.

Freedom of speech exists only when unpopular views are given the opportunity to be heard. Let’s not forget that it was the conservatives who transformed Dixie Chicks from proper noun into a verb.

The second part of the whole Petraeus/betray us fiasco that intrigued me was the notion that General Petraeus required assistance in defending himself. Remember now, that the General is a trained military officer who previously commanded the 101st Airborne Division, one of the most storied divisions in Army history. This is a guy who needs help defending himself? I suspect that the General’s training was such that he would be more than capable of defending his honor against juvenile word play.

Of course, Limbaugh being Limbaugh it wasn’t more than a few days after the Petraeus incident died down that the voice of EIB was mocking former Clinton administration official Sandy Berger as “Sandy Burglar.” Yeah. Sandy Burglar. That’s much funnier than Petraeus/betray us.

And of course, let us not forget that while a decorated military commander required help in defending himself, it apparently was open season on Graeme Frost who spoke on behalf of Democrats regarding expansion of the SCHIP medical coverage plan for middle-income children. True to form, Limbaugh could be heard mocking young Graeme’s speech patterns – speech patterns that have been affected by brain injuries suffered in a motor vehicle accident.

Mocking the speech of someone with a disability. Can you say compassionate conservative?

If the Republican viewpoint on free speech has not confused you sufficiently, gentle reader, let us ponder the public notion (I’d say RepubliCAN notion but conservative commentators appear to share a malady which prevents them from pronouncing the fourth syllable of the word “Democratic”, particularly when that word is used in connection political opponents) that the only way to support US soldiers is to keep them in a part of the world where they are constantly facing enemy bullets and bombs.

This odd notion that keeping US forces at war is positive is a strange one. What makes it particularly strange is that those of us on the home front are asked only to continue our habits as consumers: “If you don’t shop at Wal-Mart, Al Qaeda wins.”

Because no sacrifice connects us with those serving on the front lines, those of us on the home front are reduced to being cheerleaders. “Push em back, push em back, harder, harder!”

There is a lesson to be gleaned from all of this. Simply put, when a right-winger points a finger at a liberal, fingers still remain pointing in the right-wingers direction.

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Klan group shows hate is corrosive

You can’t build a movement on a philosophy that ultimately consumes its members.

This is the lesson that has been lost on The Imperial Klans of America, who have set up shop in the tiny Western Kentucky city of Dawson Springs. The group, which claims at least 23 chapters in 17 states, has taken over a 28-acre compound. The group is led by Ronald Edwards, 47, who earns money with painting and contracting jobs. He lives on the group’s property with a girlfriend and two young children.

Experts estimate that the KKK has no more than 8,000 members nationally, a mere fraction of the 5 million hate mongers who populated its ranks in the 1920′s. The small number of KKK members these days may be attributed to lawsuits filed by the Southern Poverty Law Center. The center has a long history of successfully combating racist attacks by Klansmen by ceasing KKK assets in civil lawsuits.

In Edwards’ case, the lawsuit stems from a July 2007 attack on 16-year-old Jordan Gruver at the Meade County Fairgrounds near Brandenburg Kentucky. The 5-foot-3 Hispanic male was beaten and kicked to the ground leaving him with broken ribs and a broken arm. IKA members Jarred Hensley and Andrew Watkins were sentenced to 3 years in prison for the crime.

Edwards, the organization’s leader at the time, was named in the suit along with the two convicted men and another two men who were present at the time of the assault.

Edwards says the two attackers were kicked out of the Klan because the group does not allow any illegal activity. He also says he has taken measures to render himself lawsuit-proof.

He explained that the IKA compound is technically owned by a trust in the name of one of his sons. He says he has no car in his name and doesn’t keep records about the IKA anymore.

“I got like $38 in the bank,” he said.

So this, then, is the lifestyle of one of the most powerful hate mongers in the United States. He lives in a self-imposed exile in conditions that no one would describe as luxurious or even appealing. He is surrounded by followers who decline to identify themselves, either out of fear or general animosity.

Edwards beliefs have also isolated him from three of his four older children. Only one of those children shares his beliefs.

Those beliefs include regarding Jews as Satan’s children and African-Americans as inferior. The Imperial Wizard also claims immigrants are ruining the country. He hates desegregated schools, mixed marriages and affirmative action.

Edwards’ followers have also become isolated from the larger community because of their beliefs. Klansman Jim Sheeley says some churches have shunned him (the Klan practice of taking firearms into the House of the Lord might have something to do with that). Sheeley also says that he rarely eats at area restaurants because he’s afraid that minority cooks might attempt to poison him.

Sheeley fails to see that he already has been poisoned – maybe irreversibly by the philosophy of hate that he has embraced. It is a poison that permeates the heart, the mind and the soul. It enfolds those who are infected to such a degree that they are willing to give up everything else to continue hating others.

In short, Edwards and his followers are addicted to the message they preach and the violence they create. There is a cure for what ails the members of the IKA. It is a cure which involves education, understanding, compassion and love for one’s fellow man.

That might be too much of a bitter pill for the IKA members to swallow.

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Balkin’ at Malkin’s ideas on motherhood

I wonder if Michelle Malkin is willing to put her children where her mouth is.

Malkin, the always disagreeable right-wing commentator, came down on actress Sally Field’s speech during Emmy broadcast Sunday night. Mrs. Field said this: “If mothers ruled the, ruled the world, there would be no god-damned wars in the first place.”

Mrs. Malkin’s response was to claim that mothers can be categorized as either sheep or lions.

There are sheep moms. There are lion moms. We know which kind Sally Field is.

In the Gidget Guide to Parenting, mothers are appeasers and hand-holders. Our maternal instincts supposedly lead us to shun fights and coddle bullies instead of disciplining them.

There would be “no god-damned wars,” Silly Sally, because we’d all be conquered chattel if Field Diplomacy “ruled the world.”

A few words about the wild kingdom maybe in order here. My understanding of sheep psychology comes from a month spent on a Wyoming ranch more than three decades ago. The four-legged wool-bearers were easily led astray and tended to clump together in a group. When the flock wandered off for a few days, the ranch’s owners were not overly alarmed. They knew the sheep would eventually wander back home.

My exposure to these critters also taught me that they are quite capable of mounting an olfactory assault. To put it bluntly, they stink.

So here we have a group of animals that has a herd mentality and is easily led. Sounds like George W. Bush’s constituency to me. I’ll leave it for my readers to make judgments about odors on a case-by-case basis.

Now let’s consider the mother lion. She is willing to defend her young, even at the cost of her own life. She is willing to kill other creatures so that her children do not starve. She trains her offspring in the art of hunting so that they can one day fend for themselves in the wild.

What the mother lion does not do is launch unprovoked attacks on other creatures for no discernable reason or for an ever-changing list of goals that never seem to be achieved.

The mother who stands up to protect her offspring from having to fight in an unpopular, and some say militarily unwinnable war, sounds more like the actions of a lion than a sheep to me.

Mrs. Malkin’s column, as always, omits a few critical pieces of information. She neglects to mention that Mrs. Field’s speech was curtailed during Fox’s coverage of the Emmys. Apparently, free speech is only the freedom to parrot conservative views on any topic. Thus we have Republicans outraged by an ad from MoveOn.org.

Meanwhile, GOP Senator Mitch McConnell has notoriously conflated money and free speech. Money is not the same as speech. It merely buys access to people who make decisions.

Mrs. Malkin’s column quotes one mom who was part of the Gathering of Eagles counter-demonstration in Washington DC last weekend.

“You can’t ‘take’ someone’s life who gives it . . . and Mark willingly gave his life. . . . God redeployed Mark to heaven.”

Now what Mrs. Malkin neglects to point out that the President’s war in Iraq has successfully redeployed almost 3800 troops to the pearly gates. That’s just about the same number as the number of troops who will be returning from the Iraqi civil war as part of a post-surge draw down.

Lastly, Mrs. Malkin somehow manages to equate good parenting with sending children into harm’s way. One can only assume that the children she raised had days that were filled with playing with matches and running with scissors.

If sending children off to war is the mark of a good mother, then mothers of the President, the Vice-President and many other administration members must be failures indeed.

Are Mrs. Malkin’s children old enough to serve in uniform? If they reach the age when they can serve, will they?

I tend to believe that Mrs. Malkin’s children, like the current Vice-President, will somehow find a better way to occupy their time.

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Report from the surgin’ General

Much has been written about the upcoming reports on the US military efforts in Iraq. Words like redeployment and withdraw have been bandied about, but the favorite in the language of conservatives is surrender. Typical usage: “The defeatist democrats want us to surrender in Iraq.”

But the literal definition of surrender at least suggests that the act of surrendering involves compulsion from some other entity. Here is the definition: 1 a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand <surrendered the fort> b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another; 2 a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)

David Petraeus (who must now surely be known as the surgin’ General) is expected to provide lawmakers with a question-and-answer session on Tuesday’s highly symbolic anniversary of 9/11.  Early reports indicate that Petraeus is going to ask for an additional six months to evaluate the efficacy of the Bush administration’s latest tactics in Iraq. This request will come despite widely acknowledged reports that the “breathing room” that Iraqi political leaders were supposed to gain from the surge has not been exploited. Apparently some of these leaders couldn’t be bothered to confer inside air-conditioned buildings while US soldiers were busy combating insurgents in 130-degree weather.

The early Associated Press reports say that Petraeus thinks he can continue the work of the surge even if some US forces come home. The troop reduction Petraeus indicates that he would be comfortable with is somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,500 military men and women – or about 2% of the US force of 155,000.

Petraeus has already written a letter to the US military men and women saying that the surge has not yet yielded all the results he had hoped for. So why then does he need another six months to render an accurate evaluation of the situation?

The answer can be found in the new book Dead Certain by Robert Draper. Bush told Draper that his administration is deliberately dragging its feet on the notion of troop withdraws in the hopes that the next administration will feel comfortable maintaining a US presence in Iraq for years to come.

Which brings us back to the word surrender. How does the invading force in an elective war go about surrendering? By definition, the invading force has established the rules of engagement and consequently controls the definition of success. This administration has succeeded in offering multiple rationales for war while at the same time moving the goal posts of success increasingly out of reach.

Military studies indicate that US forces could be brought home for about 800 million dollars. The war is costing 2 billion per week.

The time has come for this administration to – just once – do the math.

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Philosopher's theory might mean reality bytes

Maybe everything we think we know about the world around us is wrong. A philosopher at Oxford University, Nick Bostrom, says there is a one in five chance that everything in the universe that we’ve interacted with is no more substantial than the graphics in a typical computer game. In fact, Bostrom suggests that we all maybe characters in such a game.

The philosopher’s reasoning goes something like this: If we are on the verge of being able to create artificial life and we are constantly creating ever more sophisticated computers, there’s every possibility that some other intelligent life-form has already gotten there.

If true, everything we believe as people of faith would change. Maybe God isn’t some all-knowing all-powerful being after all. He might be a sad, middle-aged bachelor staring fixedly upon his computer screen, a half-consumed cosmic cola by his side.

Bostrom premise offers some intriguing alternate theories about the nature of our universe. Maybe the Big Bang was that first surge of electrons coursing through a motherboard when this indescribably powerful computer was powered up for the first time. Maybe evolution did not occur in the same manner that we think it did. Perhaps it was a matter of environment in a way we have not imagined.

In other words, maybe our ancestors were more primitive than we are because someone was playing Sims on the equivalent of a Commodore 64.

What about all the times we hear about God interacting with men? In our theology, Abraham was all set to sacrifice his son Isaac when the sacrifice was stopped by God. A ram was substituted for Abraham’s beloved son. Try this out as an alternate ending:

“No, you idiot,” a voice from on high thunders. “I wanted you to sacrifice random access memory, not a ram.”

Our theology would change in other ways as well. People who lead exemplarily lives and are obedient to God don’t necessarily wind up at the pearly gates. They wind up at the pearly Gateway. And, obviously, there is a special place reserved for those of God’s people who are disobedient. They wind up going straight to Dell.

The doctrine of original sin would also be altered. When Eve took a bite of that forbidden fruit, do you suppose it could have been a Macintosh?

In all seriousness, the most disturbing part of Bostrom’s hypothesis is that it effectively destroys the doctrine of freewill. While this might make fans of predestination happy, I choose to believe that freewill is one of the cornerstones of our faith. Without freewill, without being able to choose what we do with our lives, our lives are effectively robbed of any real meaning or purpose. And the notion that we might be terminated at anytime by an accidental keystroke is equally disturbing.

But there is a lesson to be taken from all of this. If we wish to be treated humanely by whatever superior entity controls our universe, we would do well to treat all fellow members of creation the way we would like to be treated.

Are you listening, Michael Vick?

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